Lamentations 3 should be a chapter focused on hope despite
pain, but it is simply depressing to me as I read it tonight. Each description
of pain weighs heavy on my heart because I have felt that kind of despair and,
I too, have become “bitter beyond words.”
“He has brought me into deep darkness, shutting out all
light. He has turned against me… He has made my skin and flesh grow old. He has
broken my bones. He has attacked me and surrounded me with anguish and
distress. He has buried me in a dark place, like a person long dead... He has
blocked my path with a high stone wall. He has twisted the road before me with
many detours… Peace has been stripped away and I have forgotten what
prosperity is… Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost! The thought of my
suffering and hopelessness bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful
time, as I grieve over my loss.” -Lamentations 3: 2-20
I could have written every word. Somewhere along the way, my
physical pain and my emotional pain banded together to become stronger than
ever. This pain is stronger than me now, and I need God to break it so that I
can pick up the pieces and start to rebuild. I cannot break it on my own.
“For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he
brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his
unfailing love.” –Lamentations
3: 31-33
I have felt a burden of responsibility for my suffering and
the need to pull myself out of it. I have been trying to force the issue myself
and yet, no matter how hard I push, it will not budge. I have realized that I
can’t expect myself to do this entirely on my own. So maybe it is time to step back a little bit and let God do some
of the heavy lifting… because I am tired and so worn out, and because He is the
only one strong enough anyway. It’s a small step, and seemingly a backwards one at that, but already I feel a little less weight pressing down on my
shoulders.
Please God, do not turn away from me. Please break this pain
now.
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